onethousandwitnesses

flannelbuttphenomenon:

life hack: get a tattoo. if the people at the job interview notice it and look concerned, laugh a little and explain “it’s just temporary.”  months later if your boss asks why you lied and said it was a temporary tattoo, stare off into the distance and whisper with a tremulous voice the poor excuse for truth your subconscious has been fighting for its entire insignificant existence: “everything is temporary.”

volksvvagen

defensivewounds:

kinkstertime:

panic-at-the-dildos:

we Americans act really cocky and assholey about freedom to hide the fact that our government is crumbling and nobody is actually free so please give us this one day to be annoying about it

Kinda feel bad for poor Americans now. A bit like the asshole kid who you realise is only acting like that cuz their parents are cruel and neglectful.

That’s painfully accurate.

volksvvagen
emberkyrlee:

sapiosexual-musings:

andiamburdenedwithgloriousfeels:

riddlemehiddleston:


This came into work today. I shortlisted it and displayed it on my cafe counter.
The back said something like “He is into BDSM. (Batman, Dragons, Star Wars, and Magic the Gathering).”
The first paragraph starts like this:

“I growl with frustration at my reflection in the mirror. My hair is fifty shades of messed up. Why is it so kinky and out of control? I need to stop sleeping with it wet. As I brush my long brown hair, the girl in the mirror brown eyes too big for her, stares back at me. Wait… my eyes are blue! It dawns on me that I haven’t been looking in the mirror—I’ve been staring at a poster of Kirsten Stewart for the past five minutes. My own hair is fine.”


my own hair is fine
oh my god where can i buy this



I have read this book and I assure you it is literary gold.

gimme

emberkyrlee:

sapiosexual-musings:

andiamburdenedwithgloriousfeels:

riddlemehiddleston:

This came into work today. I shortlisted it and displayed it on my cafe counter.

The back said something like “He is into BDSM. (Batman, Dragons, Star Wars, and Magic the Gathering).”

The first paragraph starts like this:

“I growl with frustration at my reflection in the mirror. My hair is fifty shades of messed up. Why is it so kinky and out of control? I need to stop sleeping with it wet. As I brush my long brown hair, the girl in the mirror brown eyes too big for her, stares back at me. Wait… my eyes are blue! It dawns on me that I haven’t been looking in the mirror—I’ve been staring at a poster of Kirsten Stewart for the past five minutes. My own hair is fine.”

my own hair is fine

oh my god where can i buy this

image

I have read this book and I assure you it is literary gold.

gimme